Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
