man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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