So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
