i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
