He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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