Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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