nut hugger
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
