so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
