i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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