Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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