he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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