My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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