He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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