Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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