too bad you live with your parents still
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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