just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This girl is more easily done than said...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
