i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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