Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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