I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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