I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
