I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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