I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
whose ass print is on the piano?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
