I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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