6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
