girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your penis caused this!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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