I just saw a hot homeless man
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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