ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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