are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
