omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You have to summon your inner elephant
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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