Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
