Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Randomize
