do herpes really smell.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
