I just made out with a guy for $7.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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