david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
