We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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