Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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