i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
