I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
