Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just pee around me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
