you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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