(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
