Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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