Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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