I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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