I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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