Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
