Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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