girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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