watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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