That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
