Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
