He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Randomize
