Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
