I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
