break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
