obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize