I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize