She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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