obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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