I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
