YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
