I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
