Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
