when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
