Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
