Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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