2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
