why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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