he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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