omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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