Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
